So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
