Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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