nut hugger
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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