happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize