Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
