i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
