But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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