How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
