This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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