dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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