I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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