They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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