Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
