three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
