Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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