I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ketchup is God's man juice
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
