hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
