Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
