U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
