My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
