Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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