WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
