You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
