my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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