The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize