just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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