He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
