i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
