I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
