Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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