Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
