This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
