You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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