Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
operation harelip BJ is a go
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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