i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
