Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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