Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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