He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wear drunk well.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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