I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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