Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
