STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
