i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
