why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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