Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
