She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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