honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
