i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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