So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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