He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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