wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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