Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
