Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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