She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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