I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
