Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
