i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize