some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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