I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
