On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
