My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
