so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
