so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
