I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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